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Man, It's been a while since I made a personal journal. I just really need to get it out I guess. I've got a lot of things on my mind...
1. I hate long hair: It's official.
I can't stand my hair...I need it cut, but I don't want to cut it until after prom. Long hair just feels so gross. I can't let it down, because it feels gross touching my neck. And it's starting to get too long for my clip, and I really don't want to start using a plain pony tail, because that's even worse than down hair. So this is what I'm thinking of getting done to the back, and something like this for the front.
2. Bigender, or just crazy?
I don't even fucking know any more. I can tell anyone that I am a girl, but sometimes I don't feel like one. I'm attracted to men, and I actually really hate female anatomy. I hate my body. I wish I didn't have these lumps of fat on my chest, and I wish I didn't have to bleed every month, sometimes for more than a week. Ugh. I'm just hating on my body lately. Even if people tell me, I don't feel pretty. On top of it, I've never liked girly things, or never felt like I saw the world through the eyes of a girl. These thoughts have been swimming through me for about a year or two now, ever since I made Simon. I want to at least achieve androgyny...Maybe I should go vegetarian?
3. Hao2GetTheGuy
Oh god, this has been going on for at least a good week. I started liking a guy who I never imagined I'd even talk to. He's outside my friend circle, and I just don't know where to start conversation without it being obvious I'm trying to get to know him. I've only got about 6 weeks left before I'll never see him again. I don't want to rush things, but I don't want to lose my chance either. I can tell he's a really sweet guy too, that's why I don't want to lose out on him, because I've tried to be with several people in the past year and a half and have just seemed to push them away or do something stupid to be pushed away. Any advice/stories are welcome.
4. Am I Making a Mistake?
I'm going to college next fall to study Music and Communications. I want to be in a band, but I don't know anyone except my friend from almost 3 hours away who is going for Music education, instead of performance. I also may have fucked myself with this first year, I didn't know there were auditions, and they've already gone by. I haven't written a song in a good 5 or 6 months either, at least nothing worthy. I'm basically starting at ground zero. Maybe I should make some flyers for when I get there, and I can put them around town. I don't know what to do.
As you can tell, if you've read through this, I'm pretty lost right now. I just want to smash things and feel like I'm living in a movie, break down and cry in the dark, and figure out who I am...
Oh well...here. Have this song that's just speaking to me on a spiritual level.
1. I hate long hair: It's official.
I can't stand my hair...I need it cut, but I don't want to cut it until after prom. Long hair just feels so gross. I can't let it down, because it feels gross touching my neck. And it's starting to get too long for my clip, and I really don't want to start using a plain pony tail, because that's even worse than down hair. So this is what I'm thinking of getting done to the back, and something like this for the front.
2. Bigender, or just crazy?
I don't even fucking know any more. I can tell anyone that I am a girl, but sometimes I don't feel like one. I'm attracted to men, and I actually really hate female anatomy. I hate my body. I wish I didn't have these lumps of fat on my chest, and I wish I didn't have to bleed every month, sometimes for more than a week. Ugh. I'm just hating on my body lately. Even if people tell me, I don't feel pretty. On top of it, I've never liked girly things, or never felt like I saw the world through the eyes of a girl. These thoughts have been swimming through me for about a year or two now, ever since I made Simon. I want to at least achieve androgyny...Maybe I should go vegetarian?
3. Hao2GetTheGuy
Oh god, this has been going on for at least a good week. I started liking a guy who I never imagined I'd even talk to. He's outside my friend circle, and I just don't know where to start conversation without it being obvious I'm trying to get to know him. I've only got about 6 weeks left before I'll never see him again. I don't want to rush things, but I don't want to lose my chance either. I can tell he's a really sweet guy too, that's why I don't want to lose out on him, because I've tried to be with several people in the past year and a half and have just seemed to push them away or do something stupid to be pushed away. Any advice/stories are welcome.
4. Am I Making a Mistake?
I'm going to college next fall to study Music and Communications. I want to be in a band, but I don't know anyone except my friend from almost 3 hours away who is going for Music education, instead of performance. I also may have fucked myself with this first year, I didn't know there were auditions, and they've already gone by. I haven't written a song in a good 5 or 6 months either, at least nothing worthy. I'm basically starting at ground zero. Maybe I should make some flyers for when I get there, and I can put them around town. I don't know what to do.
As you can tell, if you've read through this, I'm pretty lost right now. I just want to smash things and feel like I'm living in a movie, break down and cry in the dark, and figure out who I am...
Oh well...here. Have this song that's just speaking to me on a spiritual level.
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon - Beyond the Sea | Opening
You heard right! The pokemon gijinka/feral group PMD-Beyond-the-Sea is OPENING in JANUARY! The last opening hasn't been for a while, and if you are familiar with either my RPs and Literature or the Pokemon themed art that I do, this is its inspiration. Come join us in our Discord Server early for more information and some tasty, buttery rolls which you can access from the Group Page. I've personally been enjoying the community this has been growing into, and the group itself is heading into its third year running and I don't see it slowing down any time soon.
Commissions: OPEN
[INTRODUCTION] | RESERVATIONS | OFFERS | FAQ Welcome to my Commissions Journal! I get a lot of enjoyment out of making things for others and showing off my talents. Returning from my hiatus, I hadn't really planned to open commissions as I never imagined my skills would go soaring past my expectations, but here we are folks. I'm excited to hear all about your characters and bring them to life. Be it from scratch for the purposes of a narrative, or from reference photos you may already have. For groups here on DA, personal projects, or maybe even a tabletop campaign. If the later is the case, I also have software to create stunning world maps and would love to purchase further software for making smaller dungeon maps. A future commission offer I would like to have is narrative speaking. I would like to purchase a microphone and turn written works into audiobooks. I thought that getting my start in it here might be an option, because I know there are so many lovely writers on this
Need a Map? Commissions!
Do you have a fantasy world that needs to be fleshed out with a physical body? Perhaps you are a writer or a dungeon master or a good old role player in general. If you have a group on DA that is in need of lore reference for your members, I've got you too. I personally like to communicate and get a good feel for the idea you have. I may ask you to make an idea board on pinterest or you can collect some images and throw them in a document. It will help me to understand the geography better. Prices can be discussed further in personal messaging, and will vary depending on what I will be working with. You can expect prices to range from $30 to $60, and I will give you the price after we talk about your project more. If you're interested, drop a comment or send a note! This piece is for my own fantasy RPG setting. This map was used for a full D&D Campaign. It's one of the first maps I did. This map was for someone else's D&D Campaign setting.
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Hey world, it's been a while.
© 2015 - 2024 UmbraCrux
Comments5
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Sounds like you're in a bit of a pickle at the moment, but the great thing is you've got plans and want to achieve them!
1. Long hair is a bitch but damn can it look good! That haircut you suggested is really nice, but it would require a lot of maintenance to keep that style looking good. With long hair you can have so many different styles but once it's cut.. there's a long waiting period of ggggrowth.
2. Crazy. Be comfortable with yourself, you have boobs, so what? You like men, so if you were to give birth then that's what they are there for. Or your future partners fun bags. A lot of women aren't particularly fond of their breasts but you've got them now, so maybe buy a nice bra and try to feel good with them (They are there to stay, unless surgery.. which is extreme). I tell you what, having a dick is more annoying, at least you can hide the fact if you're horny, whereas we cannot (Unless duck tape is supplied).
- Don't go vegetarian unless you're allergic to meat. It's retarded. If the animal is already dead, there's nothing you can do about it so the only way to make sure it doesn't go to waste is for you to eat it, thereby respecting the animal. (Sorry I'm really anti-vegetarian/vegan and it's just really silly unless there's a medical reason)
3. Go for it and have some fun! The fact you've only got 6 weeks left means nothing can really become of a relationship in that time so maybe just ask him out for a drink or to a gig? I'll tell you a little story, last year I hadn't had my relationship goggles on as I was completely engrossed in my work that I didn't realise I had half the store hitting on me. I was absolutely and completely oblivious to this and only because my colleague mentioned that one of the girls was really flirting with me that I actually realised "Shit, someone's interested in me?!". She liked to kick me in the back of the leg (Playfully) and I'd respond by pushing her over whenever she was kneeling down. Within a week she stayed over mine and whatever and now we are in a very happy relationship together.
Moral of the story is: you don't know what's around the corner, so grab any chance you get to have good memories.
4. I think you should engross yourself in music now, you have a lot of passion and you're an intelligent girl! I'm sure you have millions of things to write about, maybe even create a song about how much of a puzzle your mind is right now? Pick up those pieces and work on it
(I was going to post on your forum thread you created in the "Help With Life" section but I wandered here instead!)
- Feel free to note me
1. Long hair is a bitch but damn can it look good! That haircut you suggested is really nice, but it would require a lot of maintenance to keep that style looking good. With long hair you can have so many different styles but once it's cut.. there's a long waiting period of ggggrowth.
2. Crazy. Be comfortable with yourself, you have boobs, so what? You like men, so if you were to give birth then that's what they are there for. Or your future partners fun bags. A lot of women aren't particularly fond of their breasts but you've got them now, so maybe buy a nice bra and try to feel good with them (They are there to stay, unless surgery.. which is extreme). I tell you what, having a dick is more annoying, at least you can hide the fact if you're horny, whereas we cannot (Unless duck tape is supplied).
- Don't go vegetarian unless you're allergic to meat. It's retarded. If the animal is already dead, there's nothing you can do about it so the only way to make sure it doesn't go to waste is for you to eat it, thereby respecting the animal. (Sorry I'm really anti-vegetarian/vegan and it's just really silly unless there's a medical reason)
3. Go for it and have some fun! The fact you've only got 6 weeks left means nothing can really become of a relationship in that time so maybe just ask him out for a drink or to a gig? I'll tell you a little story, last year I hadn't had my relationship goggles on as I was completely engrossed in my work that I didn't realise I had half the store hitting on me. I was absolutely and completely oblivious to this and only because my colleague mentioned that one of the girls was really flirting with me that I actually realised "Shit, someone's interested in me?!". She liked to kick me in the back of the leg (Playfully) and I'd respond by pushing her over whenever she was kneeling down. Within a week she stayed over mine and whatever and now we are in a very happy relationship together.
Moral of the story is: you don't know what's around the corner, so grab any chance you get to have good memories.
4. I think you should engross yourself in music now, you have a lot of passion and you're an intelligent girl! I'm sure you have millions of things to write about, maybe even create a song about how much of a puzzle your mind is right now? Pick up those pieces and work on it
(I was going to post on your forum thread you created in the "Help With Life" section but I wandered here instead!)
- Feel free to note me