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Man, It's been a while since I made a personal journal. I just really need to get it out I guess. I've got a lot of things on my mind...

1. I hate long hair: It's official.
I can't stand my hair...I need it cut, but I don't want to cut it until after prom. Long hair just feels so gross. I can't let it down, because it feels gross touching my neck. And it's starting to get too long for my clip, and I really don't want to start using a plain pony tail, because that's even worse than down hair. So this is what I'm thinking of getting done to the back, and something like this for the front.

2. Bigender, or just crazy?
I don't even fucking know any more. I can tell anyone that I am a girl, but sometimes I don't feel like one. I'm attracted to men, and I actually really hate female anatomy. I hate my body. I wish I didn't have these lumps of fat on my chest, and I wish I didn't have to bleed every month, sometimes for more than a week. Ugh. I'm just hating on my body lately. Even if people tell me, I don't feel pretty. On top of it, I've never liked girly things, or never felt like I saw the world through the eyes of a girl. These thoughts have been swimming through me for about a year or two now, ever since I made Simon. I want to at least achieve androgyny...Maybe I should go vegetarian?

3. Hao2GetTheGuy
Oh god, this has been going on for at least a good week. I started liking a guy who I never imagined I'd even talk to. He's outside my friend circle, and I just don't know where to start conversation without it being obvious I'm trying to get to know him. I've only got about 6 weeks left before I'll never see him again. I don't want to rush things, but I don't want to lose my chance either. I can tell he's a really sweet guy too, that's why I don't want to lose out on him, because I've tried to be with several people in the past year and a half and have just seemed to push them away or do something stupid to be pushed away. Any advice/stories are welcome.

4. Am I Making a Mistake?
I'm going to college next fall to study Music and Communications. I want to be in a band, but I don't know anyone except my friend from almost 3 hours away who is going for Music education, instead of performance. I also may have fucked myself with this first year, I didn't know there were auditions, and they've already gone by. I haven't written a song in a good 5 or 6 months either, at least nothing worthy. I'm basically starting at ground zero. Maybe I should make some flyers for when I get there, and I can put them around town. I don't know what to do.


As you can tell, if you've read through this, I'm pretty lost right now. I just want to smash things and feel like I'm living in a movie, break down and cry in the dark, and figure out who I am...
Oh well...here. Have this song that's just speaking to me on a spiritual level.

  • Mood: Anguish
  • Listening to: Tokio Hotel
  • Reading: Night and My Trip to Hell
  • Drinking: Lemonade

Activity


I wish the seasons didn't affect my mood. 
Llama Emoji-23 (Shyness) [V1] Llama Feature 4! Llama Emoji-46 (This and That) 
:iconrottensenseofhumour::iconjanekkazio::icondominicthegreen::iconestheryu::iconelizabethchanel::iconmaiko-girl::iconradiumlowi::iconjhonny64::iconavidcommenter::iconticklishnate:
Llama Emoji-10 (Shy) [V1] Thank You! Llama Emoji-08 (Crying) [V1] 
Every Noise At Once is an awesome genre and band generator. Discover new music instantly! Search by genre or by band. Holy shit this thing is gold.
Herr Llama Emperor Llama Mention 3! Herr Llama Emperor 
:icondubbelu::icontehsnowflake::iconlilith-the-5th::iconnoruoki::iconzawodowa::iconabsur-d::iconacayth::iconmolegato::iconflyingbulldozer::iconzerostorm91:   Thanks For The Llama Emote Llama Love 
Egg Bullet (Yellow) - F2U! Egg Bullet (Purple) - F2U!:egghug: Also, Happy Easter!!! :bunnyla: Egg Bullet (Green) - F2U! Egg Bullet (SkyBlue) - F2U! 

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Comments


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:iconmaxk-w:
MaxK-W Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you very much for the favourite! ^_^

Make sure to have a look through the rest of my gallery if you have the time and leave a watch if you're interested in seeing more of my work! :dummy:
Reply
:icondamaimikaz:
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for adding The wall to your favorites. I'm glad you like my art :)
Reply
:iconumbracrux:
UmbraCrux Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Aww you're welcome. :3 
Reply
:iconzerostorm91:
zerostorm91 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
so much imagine dragons art  :woah: ,
They're such a great band. I first heard one of their singles on on top of the world which is still one of my favourite songs of theirs. 
Reply
:iconumbracrux:
UmbraCrux Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Haha, awesome. That's a great song. They make so many great songs. Jammin'  They're my number one favorite band. I first found their song Demons, but never really got into them until I saw them do their live session of It's Time, and I was hooked from then on.
Reply
:iconhirako-f-w:
Hirako-f-w Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2015  Student Writer
Hello dear ! 
As I noticed you've add me to your DeviantWatch, I would like to thank you ♡
Feel free to check my Youtube Cosplay page, we need more suscribers and we'd love more opinions about our work : www.youtube.com/user/WonderNee…

Don't hesitate to support me on Facebook too : 
Here : www.facebook.com/HirakoCosplay
And here : www.facebook.com/Wonderneepoos

Thanks again Heart
Reply
:iconchriseastmids:
chriseastmids Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
many thanks for the fave ad :D
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:iconlethalkitten:
LethalKitten Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015
Thanks for the watch!
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:iconumbracrux:
UmbraCrux Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
You're welcome. :D
Reply
:iconksj7700:
ksj7700 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the fave!
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